The Promotion Of Responsibility

A few days ago, as fate would have it, i received the fruits of my hard work and dedication. I became a doctor, so to speak, a graduate. An year of practice awaits with wide arms. The anticipation couldn't be any less spirited. The barrage of alternatives flooded me. A completely new dimension of unseen possibilities. Would I stop studying after this? Where, when and how am I going to continue studying if i do? The resemblance of these questions to any other graduate, any given day is uncanny. What has so far bothered me the most is the question - Am i a better man than i thought i would be by this time? I realized, Fate isn't without a sense of irony when i failed to uncover any truths of my co-ordinates this very moment. I have for one, been extremely partial about judging myself but fear does funny things to you. Its a crane that lifts a log of wood and puts it between 2 cliffs. A very, very uncomfortable position.

 I realized that where others have been savoring this moment of glory, I alone have arrived to discover the potential danger I am in if I do not stabilize now. The world actually is in front of me now. Am i someone who insists on everyone calling me a doctor? Am i that guy who thinks he is better than the others just because he can serve his friends in the most evident ways?
This quest is not about my career, its about the person I am going to keep inside of me the rest of my life. Sudden realizations are so endangering, I'm afraid they may mar the very purpose of this thought concoction.
Remember that desperate feeling of vulnerability when you end a relationship, thinking who you are going to share your troubles with?

The next level is when you find out its you who is the curator of your paintings, you rule yourself. And when that bell strikes, goosebumps-a-coming.

I have found out, there is nothing as fearful as having to question your own abilities, not to the perspective of doubt, but to that of finding out how far you can go. Will i be able to handle myself?
Have i relied on my friends too much?
Being a loner can only be so helpful, but what is the answer?
I am not surprised there is not an answer. That i understand from the years to come as to unearthing the map of my potential and reaching as high as i can.
I have understood my strengths, weaknesses, limits and limitations.
I have understood that I am my hero.
That what held me back doesn't need to be tended by my loved ones, because they have faith in me.
Faith that i am capable of taking it head on.
That i am capable of standing up if i falter.
That i will not be one to belittle my achievements, but to use whatever knowledge i have gained to benefit who populate my world.
I am reaching out to my responsibilities and haven't compromised on what i have.
The balance is important.