This is from someone i have always known to be a great friend and its his story.
hi
i am Neil
my whole life i have spent contemplating, wondering, thinking about the person i have always wanted to be.
someone i have always wanted to become.
someone people around me will always remember to be an essential part of their own lives.
what i was forgetting was how to live for my own self.
its actually frustrating, you know, to recollect and write these thoughts down from the back of my mind where they've been lying around in a mess.
i have had few friends, friends who i considered as the most important part of my life were no longer the same for me as time changed.
some went away, some forgotten, some stayed away because their conditions forced them to do so.
yet the ones who stayed back were the best.
we never got around to help or meet much of each other, not that we could, once college drove us our own ways.
but i made it a point, and so did they, to keep in touch.
however this kind of a life where i had to stay connected with them over a virtually endless seam of radiowaves and emails was not the kind i wanted to live.
i had to, at last, bend to the situations around me, which opened the doors for new people and new relationships around me.
socializing, i knew, had always been a piece of cake for me.
people started enjoying my company.
some hated me, jealous of the fact that i was able of things they were not; that was but obvious.
soon i realized all this could not go on for long and that i had to find a group.
like man, who has always been trying to be within the reach and contents of people with thoughts and a lifestyle like his own, i was driven by 2 words - FAMILIARITY BREEDS
to find out someone who thinks, acts, lives like you is an arduous task in itself, one that requires a great deal of patience, tolerance and the will to sustain losses.
i failed, and failed and failed till the day i was no longer willing to try for more.
its actually strange though, how He wants you to burn out completely and then give you the answer to your questions.
soon enough after my honest endeavors, i found them.
or rather they found me.
we spent a lot of times like i used to with my old buddies.
i was changing, life was starting to look up.
i even got over the disturbing fact that my girlfriend of 9 months ditched me for something as minute as - wanting her own freedom.
an old saying goes- unrest has to creep in where there is peace.
and so it did.
there were small fights, misunderstandings amongst the group i was staying along with.
but things were still fine.
all along the time, this 1 and a half year that was spent in just trying to find some mental and emotional stability, i had entirely changed.
my temper had, for instance, subsided.
i forgave my parents for sending me away so far from home and friends and family and the joys of life.
i stopped thinking about the comments that swam around all the time about people and me and me and other people.
but most of all, i learned to be good with everyone, even those who had harmed me in the past.
i stopped expecting people to help me out when i needed them the most.
i became the one where i cud do anything and everything for my own self, without harming anyone or asking anyone for help.
some one in a nothing-to-lose situation.
my good friends too got sour at me sometimes because i was not like everyone around me.
i had my own world to live in and to rule.
and they didnt like it too much so they always crept up on me with snide comments, rude jokes and i always laughed them out.
i learned of a morale in life- when people talk behind your back, you are 2 steps ahead than they are.
when someone insults you in public, treat it as if they are donating you a cent, something which is not yours until you accept it.
in a similar fashion i never accepted what they said and went on with my own way of life.
but this wasn't everyday.
typical worldliness, id say, when they turned up ever so politely to ask me for their help.
and i always gave it to them since that was my way of maintaining a relationship with people.
you always give when u can and do your best to never let even a single fault occur from your side.
slowly, people came to know about the change in me.
im telling you, i never advertised myself in front of anyone so that they accept me as a nice person.
the initiative was mine, the reactions were theirs and the good results that followed were ours.
yet still, i was the same, quite aloof from the reasons why they were all being so nice to me.
they always came to me with their problems and i tried my level best to solve them
someone complimented me of being able to use words in such a way that made the person feel better and more comfortable with his own self.
i guess that was what worked when i was too busy solving their problems, ignoring my own all the time.
someway or the other, my problems found their own way out and dissolved and i was still there- helping everyone out, making them feel good at the end of a bad day.
i was something of a pet to them all and i had no problem with it.
at least it kept away my mind from the fact that i was still a lonely person and that i had in fact deviated so far from the person i wanted to be that there was no turning around.
my story seems like one sort of fairy tale, now that i read it back from the top. there are so many parts that seem possible, yet they were, and i can only justify it by saying this- in this world where we see nothing but worse and worse, there has to be and always will be someone, something good, existing in a fashion that seems incomprehendable to us all.
and i was fine with myself one day, still away from the question that should have struck me before- why were they all so nice to me?
and then,
that day,
i slept off,
and i never woke up,
and i looked up at them all who were so nice to me
for days altogether i watched them,
not mourning,
but grumbling about the fact that the one they had so fondly become addicted to pushing around and using for their own needs was not there for them
and i realized,
why they were all being so nice to me.
hi
i am Neil
my whole life i have spent contemplating, wondering, thinking about the person i have always wanted to be.
someone i have always wanted to become.
someone people around me will always remember to be an essential part of their own lives.
what i was forgetting was how to live for my own self.
its actually frustrating, you know, to recollect and write these thoughts down from the back of my mind where they've been lying around in a mess.
i have had few friends, friends who i considered as the most important part of my life were no longer the same for me as time changed.
some went away, some forgotten, some stayed away because their conditions forced them to do so.
yet the ones who stayed back were the best.
we never got around to help or meet much of each other, not that we could, once college drove us our own ways.
but i made it a point, and so did they, to keep in touch.
however this kind of a life where i had to stay connected with them over a virtually endless seam of radiowaves and emails was not the kind i wanted to live.
i had to, at last, bend to the situations around me, which opened the doors for new people and new relationships around me.
socializing, i knew, had always been a piece of cake for me.
people started enjoying my company.
some hated me, jealous of the fact that i was able of things they were not; that was but obvious.
soon i realized all this could not go on for long and that i had to find a group.
like man, who has always been trying to be within the reach and contents of people with thoughts and a lifestyle like his own, i was driven by 2 words - FAMILIARITY BREEDS
to find out someone who thinks, acts, lives like you is an arduous task in itself, one that requires a great deal of patience, tolerance and the will to sustain losses.
i failed, and failed and failed till the day i was no longer willing to try for more.
its actually strange though, how He wants you to burn out completely and then give you the answer to your questions.
soon enough after my honest endeavors, i found them.
or rather they found me.
we spent a lot of times like i used to with my old buddies.
i was changing, life was starting to look up.
i even got over the disturbing fact that my girlfriend of 9 months ditched me for something as minute as - wanting her own freedom.
an old saying goes- unrest has to creep in where there is peace.
and so it did.
there were small fights, misunderstandings amongst the group i was staying along with.
but things were still fine.
all along the time, this 1 and a half year that was spent in just trying to find some mental and emotional stability, i had entirely changed.
my temper had, for instance, subsided.
i forgave my parents for sending me away so far from home and friends and family and the joys of life.
i stopped thinking about the comments that swam around all the time about people and me and me and other people.
but most of all, i learned to be good with everyone, even those who had harmed me in the past.
i stopped expecting people to help me out when i needed them the most.
i became the one where i cud do anything and everything for my own self, without harming anyone or asking anyone for help.
some one in a nothing-to-lose situation.
my good friends too got sour at me sometimes because i was not like everyone around me.
i had my own world to live in and to rule.
and they didnt like it too much so they always crept up on me with snide comments, rude jokes and i always laughed them out.
i learned of a morale in life- when people talk behind your back, you are 2 steps ahead than they are.
when someone insults you in public, treat it as if they are donating you a cent, something which is not yours until you accept it.
in a similar fashion i never accepted what they said and went on with my own way of life.
but this wasn't everyday.
typical worldliness, id say, when they turned up ever so politely to ask me for their help.
and i always gave it to them since that was my way of maintaining a relationship with people.
you always give when u can and do your best to never let even a single fault occur from your side.
slowly, people came to know about the change in me.
im telling you, i never advertised myself in front of anyone so that they accept me as a nice person.
the initiative was mine, the reactions were theirs and the good results that followed were ours.
yet still, i was the same, quite aloof from the reasons why they were all being so nice to me.
they always came to me with their problems and i tried my level best to solve them
someone complimented me of being able to use words in such a way that made the person feel better and more comfortable with his own self.
i guess that was what worked when i was too busy solving their problems, ignoring my own all the time.
someway or the other, my problems found their own way out and dissolved and i was still there- helping everyone out, making them feel good at the end of a bad day.
i was something of a pet to them all and i had no problem with it.
at least it kept away my mind from the fact that i was still a lonely person and that i had in fact deviated so far from the person i wanted to be that there was no turning around.
my story seems like one sort of fairy tale, now that i read it back from the top. there are so many parts that seem possible, yet they were, and i can only justify it by saying this- in this world where we see nothing but worse and worse, there has to be and always will be someone, something good, existing in a fashion that seems incomprehendable to us all.
and i was fine with myself one day, still away from the question that should have struck me before- why were they all so nice to me?
and then,
that day,
i slept off,
and i never woke up,
and i looked up at them all who were so nice to me
for days altogether i watched them,
not mourning,
but grumbling about the fact that the one they had so fondly become addicted to pushing around and using for their own needs was not there for them
and i realized,
why they were all being so nice to me.
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