Correct Judgement

I've always known a fact, one that has locked on deep inside, one that insists I adhere to it unendingly. It commits me to screen every person the same way I see myself. Ever since I started swerving away from the delusional whims, rules and norms of people, possessing authority or not alike, I found that every single thought process that a 2nd person or 3rd person has, related to me in any subject, is the result of a careless process benchmarked and pitted against their own experiences and lifestyles.

This poses in itself a huge challenge for a person who has since forever, striven to create a favorable public opinion, to become the people's champ. One who fashions himself as an individual may lash out, may stay in his own territory as the king or may cockily brand these hard workers as intellectually stunted.

In spite of such gaping differences between the psyche and with no bridge to co-relate one with the other, I have noticed, judgmental behavior by anyone possessing a rank included within either the "winner's" circle or the "lone" stalwart, can drastically affect a wide range of traits in the victim. To my observation, we all are burdened with only 99% of self-confidence. Judgemental behavior magnifies the residual, and attempts to mock at the majority. And the worst part is, you don't even know that's happening.

We are inclined to judge people as per our experiences, as per our scales of right and wrong, ability and inability. We do so to feed the ego, sometimes by crushing someone else's. Now here's the fun fact, most of us aren't even at fault. Our scales of judgement are a product of our own events, upbringings and environments. The further up a person goes in achieving similar results, not higher nor lower, the better the future bond. The greater a person defies your rules, the bigger jerk he becomes.

This particular trait we carry is the reason why understanding is hampered in the first place. Understanding facts that every person's acts, justifiable or not, arise as a consequence of his past, present and future apprehensions. We forget that we are unaware of the head and tail of an act done possibly to the best of their attempts and instead brand them and place them in a category. Imagine how unsettling that would become for the vast majority of people who lead double-triple-quadruple lives, trying to please every judgemental freak around them day in and day out, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Its not wrong to live to please. Its wrong to stamp someone's forehead just because they are not part of your belief system. Its not wrong to fight to create an image for oneself. Its wrong to shoot such an attempt in the head without having a shred of an idea what he spends his day doing, how he lives every moment.

You are no one, without given authority, to try and gain control on someone.

You are no one, to victimize someone for their lack of similarity, whilst you yourself have achieved very little.

Attempt for some sanity, salvage your relations.

Acceptance

Even a question as innocuous as "Going Home?" to a friendly stranger you meet everyday can be hurtful to them. As any person with his/her truck-load of experiences would say, there is very few you can talk about to someone at a given time. Truth is, there really is nothing you can talk about to someone without a background check or risking an awkward moment. Your colleague just had a fight with their parents, your neighbor has an unexpected death in the family. Concisely, everybody has their own emotional baggage. And ironically, you aren't really normal if you drop yours and move on. And the sole reason we do not have to face such a situation so often is because everyone is infidel to somebody else's problems. Its not selfishness, its priority. And when the listener is attentive, know this, they are good at heart. It is evident that they prioritize you over them, even if for a while.
And yet, most of us turn a blind eye to these little, but very valuable diamonds. Why bother about it, when your sun sets just when their does? What difference does it make to not pay attention or to do to these tiny details? Turns out, these acts, they all need a little validation. Acknowledgement that their presence makes a difference. A kid is happy when he gets money for an ice-cream because he got good grades. He is happier when the guardian gifts him one for the same.
What does it take to go that extra step forward? Just a smile, or a pat on the back or a sentence saying they did a good job. Its definitely harder than going back to your own life and fighting against the hay for that needle.
The attitude for gratitude is exactly what is missing from us. Ever wondered why the same pleasant friend was being particularly nasty with you? Ever stopped to think that maybe he/she is having a tough day and needs a shoulder to pull through. Not contributing, even if possible, is in itself further antagonizing for them. One feels taken for granted, simply put.
The day this happens, remember, you have all but one chance of making it right by reaching out to them and sharing their baggage. The day you miss this chance is when they start walking away from you. And in the end, its you who's going to end up alone. Regretting.

The Promotion Of Responsibility

A few days ago, as fate would have it, i received the fruits of my hard work and dedication. I became a doctor, so to speak, a graduate. An year of practice awaits with wide arms. The anticipation couldn't be any less spirited. The barrage of alternatives flooded me. A completely new dimension of unseen possibilities. Would I stop studying after this? Where, when and how am I going to continue studying if i do? The resemblance of these questions to any other graduate, any given day is uncanny. What has so far bothered me the most is the question - Am i a better man than i thought i would be by this time? I realized, Fate isn't without a sense of irony when i failed to uncover any truths of my co-ordinates this very moment. I have for one, been extremely partial about judging myself but fear does funny things to you. Its a crane that lifts a log of wood and puts it between 2 cliffs. A very, very uncomfortable position.

 I realized that where others have been savoring this moment of glory, I alone have arrived to discover the potential danger I am in if I do not stabilize now. The world actually is in front of me now. Am i someone who insists on everyone calling me a doctor? Am i that guy who thinks he is better than the others just because he can serve his friends in the most evident ways?
This quest is not about my career, its about the person I am going to keep inside of me the rest of my life. Sudden realizations are so endangering, I'm afraid they may mar the very purpose of this thought concoction.
Remember that desperate feeling of vulnerability when you end a relationship, thinking who you are going to share your troubles with?

The next level is when you find out its you who is the curator of your paintings, you rule yourself. And when that bell strikes, goosebumps-a-coming.

I have found out, there is nothing as fearful as having to question your own abilities, not to the perspective of doubt, but to that of finding out how far you can go. Will i be able to handle myself?
Have i relied on my friends too much?
Being a loner can only be so helpful, but what is the answer?
I am not surprised there is not an answer. That i understand from the years to come as to unearthing the map of my potential and reaching as high as i can.
I have understood my strengths, weaknesses, limits and limitations.
I have understood that I am my hero.
That what held me back doesn't need to be tended by my loved ones, because they have faith in me.
Faith that i am capable of taking it head on.
That i am capable of standing up if i falter.
That i will not be one to belittle my achievements, but to use whatever knowledge i have gained to benefit who populate my world.
I am reaching out to my responsibilities and haven't compromised on what i have.
The balance is important.

What Happened to Me

This is from someone i have always known to be a great friend and its his story.

hi
i am Neil
my whole life i have spent contemplating, wondering, thinking about the person i have always wanted to be.
someone i have always wanted to become.
someone people around me will always remember to be an essential part of their own lives.
what i was forgetting was how to live for my own self.
its actually frustrating, you know, to recollect and write these thoughts down from the back of my mind where they've been lying around in a mess.

i have had few friends, friends who i considered as the most important part of my life were no longer the same for me as time changed.
some went away, some forgotten, some stayed away because their conditions forced them to do so.
yet the ones who stayed back were the best.
we never got around to help or meet much of each other, not that we could, once college drove us our own ways.
but i made it a point, and so did they, to keep in touch.
however this kind of a life where i had to stay connected with them over a virtually endless seam of radiowaves and emails was not the kind i wanted to live.
i had to, at last, bend to the situations around me, which opened the doors for new people and new relationships around me.
socializing, i knew, had always been a piece of cake for me.
people started enjoying my company.
some hated me, jealous of the fact that i was able of things they were not; that was but obvious.

soon i realized all this could not go on for long and that i had to find a group.
like man, who has always been trying to be within the reach and contents of people with thoughts and a lifestyle like his own, i was driven by 2 words - FAMILIARITY BREEDS
to find out someone who thinks, acts, lives like you is an arduous task in itself, one that requires a great deal of patience, tolerance and the will to sustain losses.
i failed, and failed and failed till the day i was no longer willing to try for more.
its actually strange though, how He wants you to burn out completely and then give you the answer to your questions.
soon enough after my honest endeavors, i found them.
or rather they found me.
we spent a lot of times like i used to with my old buddies.
i was changing, life was starting to look up.
i even got over the disturbing fact that my girlfriend of 9 months ditched me for something as minute as - wanting her own freedom.

an old saying goes- unrest has to creep in where there is peace.
and so it did.
there were small fights, misunderstandings amongst the group i was staying along with.
but things were still fine.
all along the time, this 1 and a half year that was spent in just trying to find some mental and emotional stability, i had entirely changed.
my temper had, for instance, subsided.
i forgave my parents for sending me away so far from home and friends and family and the joys of life.
i stopped thinking about the comments that swam around all the time about people and me and me and other people.
but most of all, i learned to be good with everyone, even those who had harmed me in the past.
i stopped expecting people to help me out when i needed them the most.
i became the one where i cud do anything and everything for my own self, without harming anyone or asking anyone for help.
some one in a nothing-to-lose situation.

my good friends too got sour at me sometimes because i was not like everyone around me.
i had my own world to live in and to rule.
and they didnt like it too much so they always crept up on me with snide comments, rude jokes and i always laughed them out.
i learned of a morale in life- when people talk behind your back, you are 2 steps ahead than they are.
when someone insults you in public, treat it as if they are donating you a cent, something which is not yours until you accept it.
in a similar fashion i never accepted what they said and went on with my own way of life.
but this wasn't everyday.
typical worldliness, id say, when they turned up ever so politely to ask me for their help.
and i always gave it to them since that was my way of maintaining a relationship with people.
you always give when u can and do your best to never let even a single fault occur from your side.
slowly, people came to know about the change in me.
im telling you, i never advertised myself in front of anyone so that they accept me as a nice person.
the initiative was mine, the reactions were theirs and the good results that followed were ours.
yet still, i was the same, quite aloof from the reasons why they were all being so nice to me.
they always came to me with their problems and i tried my level best to solve them

someone complimented me of being able to use words in such a way that made the person feel better and more comfortable with his own self.
i guess that was what worked when i was too busy solving their problems, ignoring my own all the time.
someway or the other, my problems found their own way out and dissolved and i was still there- helping everyone out, making them feel good at the end of a bad day.
i was something of a pet to them all and i had no problem with it.
at least it kept away my mind from the fact that i was still a lonely person and that i had in fact deviated so far from the person i wanted to be that there was no turning around.

my story seems like one sort of fairy tale, now that i read it back from the top. there are so many parts that seem possible, yet they were, and i can only justify it by saying this- in this world where we see nothing but worse and worse, there has to be and always will be someone, something good, existing in a fashion that seems incomprehendable to us all.

and i was fine with myself one day, still away from the question that should have struck me before- why were they all so nice to me?
and then,
that day,
i slept off,
and i never woke up,
and i looked up at them all who were so nice to me
for days altogether i watched them,
not mourning,
but grumbling about the fact that the one they had so fondly become addicted to pushing around and using for their own needs was not there for them
and i realized,
why they were all being so nice to me.

The Modern Krishna!

There isn’t the least bit of an error in accepting the insignificance of putting in an effort. Bring me a person who appreciates hard work and I’ll find you one who will systematically break his spirit. Like every chemical reaction, every action has an initiator molecule. Every action has a reason behind it, a purpose, so to speak. An act is always a product of self or a second-party motivation. There are no subtleties here. Just plain, blind conscious. You act on accord of a certain reward, a prize, like a carrot hung in front of a donkey. There are in so many cases, sacrifices and compromises which act as hurdles. Priorities are decided, sides are taken and the ones still greedy enough continue to tread along the road that is, sheer hard work. It may be anything ranging from your job, to a relationship, to your familial duties, to attract attention and BLAH BLAH BBB---LLLLAAAAHH!!!! But what if I was to say that all this would not amount to anything? There is no clear-cut boundary of a reward to a work done. Under-appreciation is a part of our Karma. When was the last time you looked up to the one responsible and told him how well he was doing? This is when Motivation is cold-bloodedly murdered. It affects the entire reaction and you lose a hard working candidate who would’ve proved to be fruitful otherwise. It’s a really pathetic scene when you find yourselves dealt with nothing when all that’s needed is a small pat on the back or a token of acknowledgement. You lack an attitude for gratitude. Unfortunately, there is a huge lack of realization and you are left wondering most of times where you went wrong. Occam’s razor – the simplest, most obvious explanation is usually correct. You failed to identify the obvious. And now face the results.

You have been raised in a world where the very foundation of your beliefs incorporates the age old truth – Karma kar, fal ki chinta mat kar.

I would love a tougher generation to grow up believing in the following words – Karma kar, fal ki chinta mat kar. Fal milne bhi nahi wala.

All ways lead to a dead end.

Helplessness is a strong emotion. It can destroy your whole life like a passive aggressive tumor in your system, raging within, destroying every ounce of fighting chance you may have. Or, there is a chance it makes you stronger beyond horizons you ever thought. While there is an equal chance this can go either way, how a person reacts to helplessness is purely a product of why you landed in shit in the first place. The cause may be a mind numbingly dumb superior, death of a loved one, or without much ado, when life shows you the middle finger at all fronts you thought would go right. The resemblance is uncanny. The realization of vulnerability never feels right. Superman hates kryptonite, your God hates atheists even though he may preach them to be his own sons and daughters, a CEO hates a good competition. Hatred is a mere by-product in this case. What really stands out is your own reaction to the situation. The inevitability of this situation is the end. Some prefer to live by their own terms and conditions and accept whatever the result simply because its an affordable loss and they might just not be dull enough to extract a lesson out of this. And then there are those who call it quits, get stuck in a limbo and take the stupid way out.